On Butterwhiskey
by misspandalily
Summary: Things typically happen to Neji when he's about to fall asleep. It figures that this time, a woman with dried prunes as earrings pops up in his room carrying a bottle of butterwhiskey and a shit-eating grin. This is his life. [Magic AU] [Oneshot] [Written for FRM's 'Show me the Love' Challenge] [NejiTen]


**Written for the Fanfiction Review Movement's (FRM) 'Show me the Love' Challenge (which I am submitting for very last minute-y), a magic AU! Big cheers to fanofthisfiction for setting up this event and bringing so many talented writers and lovely reviewers and readers. Feel free to join in by messaging her!**

* * *

Things typically happen to Neji when he's about to go to sleep - stubbed toes, dinner invitations (he runs out of energy at sundown, shut up Lee), the full monty. He's always worked in reverse, rising when others rest and sleeping at times when the night begins to thrive.

(Neji considers this quirk a result of having to take care of a drunk Lee far too many times during their high school and university years. The man is a walking disaster with the worst tolerance in the history of mankind.)

It figures that this time, when he's two steps away from sinking into his beautiful memory foam mattress and silk pillows, ready to ponder his options now that he's been fired by Uncle CEO for being too authoritative to Cousin Heiress, a woman with dried prunes as earrings pops up in his room with a shit-eating grin on her face.

"Well," she says, eyes sparkling up at him, "This is awkward."

* * *

She calls herself Tenten, wears two twisty buns at the top of her head, a long brown robe that covers an ostentatious red dress, and carries around a wooden stick (affectionately dubbed, 'a wand', the absolute psycho that she is) like it's a Golden Ticket.

"I'm a witch," Tenten states without a hint of irony which, considering her entire attire and her oddly-shaped earrings, seems slightly ridiculous to Neji. It isn't even Halloween yet - far from it. If anything, she should be dressing up as Cupid and toting a bow and arrow to shoot at innocent, unsuspecting bystanders.

He takes a moment to cough. "Right. And I'm a ninja." Neji pulls open the door and motions for her to get out. "This is clearly some kind of practical joke. If it was Lee who set you up, please tell him I am amused and still turning down his dinner invitation."

She laughs, then makes an elaborate motion with her odd stick and slams the door shut. Neji gapes at his hand, where the doorknob used to be. "Not a joke, and you should really be nicer to this Lee guy. He seems nice."

Recalling the image of Lee bouncing over and declaring eternal devotion to his best and old frenemy, Neji suppresses a disgusted shudder. "He's also none of your business," he gripes, having just recovered from the slam, and leans back against the doorframe. "I'm going to give you one chance to explain yourself and leave before I take matters into my own hands. Legally."

"Ah," Tenten smiles at him, clearly not intimidated in the least, "You're a snake."

"Prosecutor," he corrects, choosing to omit the unemployed aspect of his title.

"Sure," she turns around to sit on the edge of his bed and props herself up with her arms stretched out behind her. Her red robes crinkle up when she crosses a leg over her knee. "Ever heard of butterwhiskey?" She whips out a large bottle from her cloak and holds it out to him, still smiling. "Guaranteed to remove that stick lodged firmly between your butt cheeks."

At his pointed glare, she rolls her eyes. "Look, I was meant to be at a stupid convention tonight but I took a left turn and landed here and you're a lot more interesting than a gaggle of old wizards harping on about wand techniques. Even if you sleep at nine o'clock. What are you, a baby?"

"Are you quite finished," he deadpans, joining her on the bed and accepting the proffered bottle. He really should know better than to drink from a stranger's bottle, but considering the recent, fire-y events, Neji abandons the old teachings of his ancestors for a sip of what he assumes is a potion. He's wrong, it's smooth and glides down his throat like honey, only warmer and infinitely more comforting. Neji takes another gulp. "Where do you get this?"

"Trade secret, darling," she takes the bottle from his hand and sips at it, "So what's it like, your job?"

"It's work. Work is work."

"You don't seem too pleased about it." Neji looks at her, vaguely noting the sincerity of her expression.

"Well, anyone would be displeased if they were fired for not being a mule."

"That's a shame. You seem like the kind of person to stick to their guns. Where will you go now?"

He chuckles, shaking his head before he sips at the butterwhiskey again. "What did you say you did again?"

"Oh, you know," Tenten starts flippantly, "This and that. Thieving."

"So," he chokes a little, "Have you-"

"If I wanted to rob you, honey, I would've done that a long time ago."

"Nice to know," he falls back onto his bed and closes his eyes, breathing in the scent of his freshly-washed sheets, the smell of whiskey touching his lips, and the aroma of Tenten's other-worldly perfume. He hears her giggle and lean back with him. A light breath hits his eye lids. She lightly pecks his lips.

"I like you," Tenten says, barely acknowledging the previous exchange. When he opens his eyes again, he sees her whip a quill out from thin air and scribble something onto a notepad. "Let's go out tomorrow night, eight-sharp. I know a guy who owns a mean curry stall."

"You just love putting me out of my comfort zone," Neji grumbles, feeling her soft hands run through his hair.

"Don't be late."

* * *

He's almost convinced that the entire interaction last night was a dream until he spots the butterwhiskey bottle neatly propped up against his bedside table and the messy scrawl of their date address bleeding through the entire notepad. Neji walks into the bathroom and almost drowns his toothbrush in paste when he sees a distinctive lipstick stain at the corner of his mouth. Date. He has a date with someone who is quite literally a thieving witch.

(And she smells like roses.)

He finds it weird, not having to wake up at the crack of dawn for the sole purpose of running to work and gathering police reports for a case. As much as he'd found a singular comfort in the monotony of his job, a break (however small or large) is clearly bringing the life back into his eyes. Maybe, if he isn't going to be snatched back up into the world of corporate law any time soon, he should go travelling. Or work in a gym with Lee until he finds his true calling.

A part of him wants to laugh at the irony of his position. He really didn't have to spend years doggedly pursuing Hyuga Industries if it all culminated in one single, simple statement: "I don't know."

* * *

"Of course you two know each other," he states churlishly, sidestepping Lee's attempts to embrace him in a youthful hug. Tenten cackles from her booth and stands up, pressing a light kiss onto the corner of his mouth. Lee immediately strangles him with brotherly love and Neji catatonically registers the sensation of her lips on his again.

"You really ought to visit more often! Hinata's been bugging me about getting you out of the house for _hours_."

"Glad you could make it, even if it _is_ almost your bedtime."

His snaps back to attention and pries himself away from Lee (though not without a grateful smile - Lee is one of the few who genuinely cheers Neji up, not that he will ever admit how much he values Lee as a person). "I had to make sure my house was impenetrable first."

"Smart, but unnecessary," she winks.

Neji's mouth drops open. "What do you have in mind?"

"Poker night!" Lee interjects, seating himself in the booth with them. "Tenten insisted on getting together some time for a game."

"Of course she did," Neji smiles back when she cackles again. He pulls out their butterwhiskey and pours out the last of it into three teacups. "To us."

They lift their cups and grin. "To us."

* * *

 **\- misspandalily**


End file.
